Disappearance
by nothingtolose18
Summary: Zack and Cody haven't seen each other in the past 4 1/2 years, after a huge fight caused Zack to run away at the age of 18. Cody and Carey fear the worst. Will they ever see Zack again? Rated M for slight language, substance abuse.
1. Release

**A/N: It's probably a bad idea to start a new multi-chapter fic when I'm in the middle of an extremely busy semester and I have other stories that I could be working on, but whatever. I got this idea and I couldn't rest until I actually wrote it down. What can I say? Plus I'm totally a review monger so ... yeah. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! I can't promise it will be updated very soon, but I do have thoughts on where I want this fic to go, and I don't want it to end up unfinished!**

One more tequila shot couldn't hurt, Zack Martin reasoned. Of course, his reasoning skills weren't exactly in tiptop shape, since he was already inebriated, but whatever. It was his birthday, after all-who the hell cared?

He ordered the shot and downed it, just drunk enough that he didn't even need the lemon slice the bartender placed before him. He had his sights set on a pretty girl he spotted on the dance floor, who was dancing with a couple other girls.

Stumbling his way over to her, he cut in front of her friends, placing himself directly in front of her and matching her provocative dance moves. He was about to kiss her, when-

Suddenly, a hand pulled Zack away from the girl, and flung him away from her. Since Zack was already drunk and, therefore, could barely stand as it was, he went flying and fell to the floor. He scrambled up and stared at the offender, a man who had to be at least a foot taller than Zack. "What the fuck are you doing with my girlfriend?" the man demanded.

If Zack had been sober, he would have just backed off. As he was decidedly un-sober, however, he decided it was a good idea to shove the guy back. This just set the guy off more, and he drew back his arm to punch Zack. Zack shut his eyes just before impact, bracing himself for the blow.

There must have been someone looking out for him, however, because the blow didn't come. Zack tentatively opened his eyes to see a bouncer holding back the guy, who was clearly fuming.

As the bouncer led the irate man away, another bouncer approached and took Zack by the arm. He began roughly pulling him towards an exit.

"What are you doing?" Zack protested, digging his heels in and trying to prevent the man from dragging him any further.

"You gotta get out of here, buddy," the bouncer said, holding the door open for him. "Fighting."

"It wasn't my fault!" Zack protested, even as the door shut behind him, barring him outside in the cold. "He started it!"

Sighing, Zack began trudging down the street. His apartment was only a few blocks away anyway, luckily, so he didn't have a far walk.

The walk and the cold began to sober Zack up, which was just what he _didn't _want to happen. This was terrible. He couldn't be sober right now, couldn't couldn't couldn't. When Zack was sober, he had a hard time not thinking about people he didn't want to, especially on a night like this, a night when he knew there was at least one other person out there celebrating his birthday, too.

_Fuck. Twenty-three. We're old. __**I'm **__old. _It was hard to think in the singular, even now that Zack hadn't seen his brother in four and a half years. Growing up, it had always been Zack-and-Cody, Cody-and-Zack; Zack turned around as quickly to someone calling out Cody as he did his own name.

Much to his chagrin, Zack could feel tears springing to his eyes at the thought of Cody, which was why he preferred not to think about him. Thoughts of his twin were always in the back of his mind, fighting for dominance, which was why Zack used alcohol to keep them at bay. It wasn't like he was an alcoholic, though; oh no, he wasn't. He had a steady job, he paid rent. He was not an alcoholic. He was just a man who happened to drink to escape his feelings. That wasn't a crime, was it?

Zack hated the feeling he had right now, of emerging from a fog. He needed to stay in that fog, where thoughts of Cody and Carey were far away. Drink, drink, drink. He couldn't be sober on a night like this.

Finally. Reaching his apartment, Zack rushed inside, grabbing the flask of whiskey he kept in his fridge, and downed some, feeling the liquid burn his throat right down to his stomach. Finally, finally. Release.


	2. Confession

**A/N: Sorry about keeping all TWO of you waiting :p I probably won't be able to update again until the end of November/beginning of December, but eh...hope you enjoy!**

** This is obviously an alternate universe, since Suite Life on Deck never happened, but I couldn't resist having Bailey in here anyway! I always loved her and Cody.**

"Happy Birthday, Cody!" Bailey Pickett produced an ice cream cake, adorned with a blazing two and three shoved into the top, and plopped it down in front of her fiancee, Cody Martin.

"Thanks, Bailey!" Cody said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as he could. Truthfully, though, he felt miserable, as he did every year on this day, his birthday. It stood out as a sore reminder to who should be here with him, celebrating.

Bailey sang the birthday song, then cheered, "Come on, Cody, blow out the candles! And don't forget to make a wish."

Cody blew out both candles with one breath, making his wish silently as he did so. He'd made the same wish for the past four years, but as each birthday passed with no sign of his brother, the chance of it coming true seemed slimmer and slimmer. Cody clung to the perhaps fruitless hope, however, that if his twin brother had ... died ... then he'd have known it, somehow, deep inside. But if that was true, then why hadn't he ever contacted him or his mother? Surely he still couldn't be angry with them for the words they'd exchanged all those years ago...

"What'd you wish for?" Bailey teased, knowing that he wouldn't say it.

"Can't tell you that, it won't come true," Cody said, giving her a sly smile. She laughed and shook her head.

"Well, you don't have to tell me. Now cut your cake!" Bailey enthused.

"Okay, okay," Cody said in mock surrender, cutting a generous portion of cake and sliding it in front of her.

"It's your birthday, you should get first piece," she protested, pushing the plate back.

"Nah, you have it," Cody said, shoving it back. "You're more excited about it."

"Fine," she conceded, already digging in. Cody cut himself off a much smaller piece and began taking small bites. He wasn't in the mood for this. This was the third birthday he'd spent with Bailey, and everytime she insisted on celebrating with him. Which was normal, Cody supposed. Most people _wanted _to celebrate their birthdays. Cody preferred to forget his.

"Babe, can I ask you a question?" Bailey asked between mouthfuls.

"Of course," Cody said, stomach tightening at the thought of what she was going to ask him. She asked him this question every year, and it inevitably led to a fight between them because Bailey would never lay off and Cody would never give in.

He was right. "Why do you always get so _sad _on your birthday?" Bailey questioned. "I've never met anyone get so depressed about the prospect of getting gifts. And cake!" she added, lifting her plate off the table.

"Oh, you know, the getting older thing..." Cody said, trailing off, which was his signature response.

"You're not exactly over the hill yet, you know," Bailey said, laughing a little. "No seriously, Cody. On your twenty-first birthday, you were finally legal. You could officially party and get drunk and go all those places minors never could. And you didn't even want to! I mean, I know you're kind of, um, conservative, but you'd think you'd still want to see what those places were like."

"I know you're not going to tell me," she added, shaking her head. "I wish you would, though. You know, I'm not going to like ... judge you for anything. I tell you everything..." she trailed off.

Here it was. The guilt trip. Cody felt bad about never mentioning Zack, but he'd found it easier not to. But maybe Bailey finally deserved the truth.

"Do you really want to know why?" he asked with a sigh, putting down his fork. Bailey nodded eagerly, leaning forward.

"I have a twin brother," Cody finally blurted out.

Bailey's face was one of utter confusion. "Um ... but I ... aren't you an only child?" she finally questioned, looking like she was lost.

"Let me explain," Cody said, trying to explain himself better. "I _did _have a twin brother. Or do," he added quickly, still refusing to believe that Zack could be gone. "I don't know," he confessed.

"What happened to him?" Bailey questioned, her expression swiftly shifting to one of tenderness.

Cody felt bad about not telling her before; Bailey was one of the sweetest people he knew, and he knew that she wouldn't react badly. It was hard to talk about, though. And both he and Carey had found it easier to move on by _stopping _talking about him. Carey had put away all of the pictures of Zack, leaving on display only the ones of Cody. Not that it mattered anyway, since Cody saw Zack in himself every time he glanced in the mirror, which was why he tended to avoid them.

"I'm not sure. He and I ... we had a fight. Awhile ago, like when we were eighteen. He ... ran away, and I ... haven't seen him since," Cody choked out, feeling tears come to his eyes. "I guess he could be ... dead," he sniffled, feeling like he was going to throw up. That was something he'd never ever had the nerve to voice before, but it was true. He couldn't be, though. He couldn't be.

"Oh, Cody," Bailey said softly, coming to his side of the table and wrapping her arms around him. "I'm so sorry, honey."

Cody buried his face in her shoulder. Normally he might be a little ashamed of crying so unabashedly in front of anyone, but he supposed that just this time, it might be okay.

"So that's why I hate my birthday," Cody added unnecessarily, head still on her shoulder. "Because it makes me think of him more than I do any other day..."

"I'm so sorry," Bailey whispered in his ear, rocking him gently. "Have you tried to find him?"

"So many times," Cody whimpered. "I've tried to find him _so _many times. We called his cell phone, we Google him, but it's like he just ... disappeared off the face of the earth. I just don't know why he wouldn't come back ... he can't still be angry with me, can he?"

"No," Bailey soothed. "He should be over it by now."

"But then why wouldn't he come looking for us?" Cody asked, anguished. He didn't want to answer that question. Only if something was wrong. Only if he was dead, or wandering around somewhere with amnesia not knowing what his name was, or lying in a hospital bed in a coma, or something.

"I don't know," Bailey confessed, stroking his hair. "I don't know, Cody."

"I don't know if I'll ever see him again," Cody whispered, leaving the idea hanging between them, so terrible that it was almost palpable. "What will I do then?"

"You'll do what you've been doing all along," Bailey said quietly.

Suddenly, now that everything was out in the open, that seemed impossible. "I don't know if I can do this anymore."


	3. Nostalgia

**A/N: Sorry for the super long wait-time for this chapter! I'm the worst person ever lol. I was planning on detailing their fight in this chapter, but it was already super long and I want to describe it in great detail, so it will have its own chapter .. at some point! Hope you enjoyed, would love to hear some feedback! And a big THANK YOU to everyone who left reviews on the last two chapters, I greatly appreciated each and every one!**

"Bye, Zack!" called the boy behind the counter, sounding remarkably cheerful, Zack thought, for just starting a shift at the hellhole they called work. "Have a good night!"

"Bye, you too," Zack replied, sounding significantly less happy than his counterpart. He waved a final time before plowing his way through the front door, noting with pleasure how it slammed resoundingly behind him. _I hope it breaks._

Glaring up at the golden arch that was the bane of his existence, Zack began to walk home, turning his back on work. His eight hour shift had done nothing for his sour mood. He was now off and should obviously be feeling a lot more pleased about the situation than he did. But Zack rarely felt happy anymore unless he was under the influence of something – a fact that he would never admit to anyone, simply because of how utterly _terrible _it sounded.

He was taking his usual route home, and so he never took much notice of his surroundings anymore. But something caused him to pause and glance into the playground, and that's when he saw them.

Blond twin boys, who couldn't be more than five years old, were the only children present at the moment. They so reminded Zack of him and Cody at that age that it took his breath away, and he couldn't help but stop and stare at them. The boys were running around the playground excitedly, exclaiming over each new feature that they discovered. A woman, presumably the boys' mother, looked on from her perch on the bench on the edge of the playground. She glanced down at a magazine laying next to her every once and again, but most of her attention was directed toward the boys.

One of the boys clamoured to the top of a slide eagerly, climbing the ladder with no problem. The other boy hesitated at the bottom and began crying for his mother, who sighed with resignation and stood up. She lifted him to the top with all the patience of a mother accustomed to doing this everyday.

"Nate, honey, why don't you try to climb the ladder?" she suggested gently. "Ben had no trouble with it." Nate, the boy in her arms, shook his head in protest, and she laid him at the top of the slide. Ben, the other boy, had already gone down the slide and was halfway up the ladder once again.

_That one's Cody,_ Zack thought about Nate, almost laughing aloud at how perfectly the boys matched him and his brother. Zack watched with interest as Ben, the braver boy, urged his brother to go down the slide. Nate hesitated, looking down at the ground with fear.

"Let's go together!" Ben suggested, sitting behind his brother and wrapping his arms around him. This seemed to comfort Nate, and with Ben's urging, the two boys came down the slide together.

_And that one's me..._ Zack thought wistfully, watching as both little boys stood up at the bottom of the slide and cheered. Their mother clapped her hands, and both boys beamed up at her proudly. Zack could see the similarities between their mother and his own, too, and suddenly things were hitting a little too close to home. He turned and continued on his trot back to his apartment, trying in vain to dislodge the thoughts which were now swirling through his brain.

He thought of all the times he'd had to comfort Cody in a similar situation. Cody had always been the more cautious of the two; while Zack wouldn't hesitate to jump into anything, Cody had always thought long and hard about what the consequences of his actions would be. Zack could recall quite a few times when he would have to urge his brother to do something that was outside his comfort level.

Memories flooded Zack quite unexpectedly. He remembers five-year-old Cody being scared to ride his bike without training wheels; fast-forward a few years, and Zack remembers eight-year-old Cody afraid to step into water than was any deeper than his waist. Zack remembers these incidents clearly, remembers how he comforted his brother and urged him to take a risk. He told Cody that everything would be okay, and it was. He remembers how Cody finally relented, all the while watching his brother for support. And Zack had been there for him.

Most of all Zack remembers the nights when they were very young, before their parents got divorced. He remembers the fights that would occasionally rage just outside the boys' room, after their parents thought the twins were asleep. Cody would plug his ears and cry into his pillow. Zack would climb into the bed with his brother, and wrap his arm around him, and whisper into his ear that 'everything will be okay, don't worry, Mommy and Daddy will stop screaming soon, I promise everything will be okay.' This would be all Cody needed to hear.

Cody had needed him, once.

Heaving a shuddering sigh, Zack shook his head, hoping that the motion would clear the thoughts that were rattling around his head, as dusty and neglected as cobwebs. It was to no avail. Suddenly Zack wanted to see his brother and mother very badly.

Tears were welling up quite pathetically in Zack's eyes. He thought about how his relationship with Cody had changed over the years; as they'd gotten older, Zack's actions had gone from protective to teasing. Suddenly, it wasn't cool to stand up for the dork who was doing all AP classes and wouldn't ride his bike without wearing a helmet and a pile of knee and shin pads. It was easier to make fun of him. But he hadn't meant it, really. Sure, Cody could be a dweeb, but he was still his brother. And Zack still loved him fiercely – he knew that much.

The last few years of their relationship hadn't been easy. It wasn't like they always fought, but it definitely happened much more frequently. They'd made separate groups of friends, and they'd often been at odds about that; Zack called Cody's friends a bunch of dorks, while Cody argued that it was better than hanging around with the dumb jocks that Zack preferred. They'd even made new 'best friends', although Zack knew that his _best _best friend would always be Cody, and Cody's him.

And then there'd been the big fight; the fight to end all fights. The one that had changed things for good, the ones that had sent them careening into opposite realms. Cody had catapulted into something great, while Zack...well, Zack had gone the completely opposite route.

Zack had never been great with academics; where his brother excelled, he barely scraped by, and any good marks that he got in school were typically from Cody helping with (or flat-out doing) his assignments. While Cody had about a billion and one opportunities available for him when he graduated high school, Zack did not.

Predictably, Cody got accepted into one of his first choices of schools, Yale. Meanwhile, Zack wasn't even sure where to apply to school, or even if he _wanted_ to. He knew that his parents, especially his mother, wouldn't be pleased if he didn't go to _any _secondary school, though, so he finally applied to Boston College, where he got accepted into the carpentry program. Zack had enjoyed wood-working when he was in high school, and felt that this was something he could work with. He knew it wasn't a super-fancy, brainiac job like this brother was sure to get, but Zack didn't care. Zack didn't think he was _stupid_, or anything, but he knew that he didn't have the willpower to try to get some crazy job that would require a bunch of studying. Zack would leave that up to Cody.

They had gone to their separate schools and done their own thing, although they'd still kept in contact everyday. It was definitely an odd feeling, Zack thought, to be without his brother (at least for a long amount of time) for quite literally the first time _ever_. It wasn't entirely bad, though, Zack had to admit. Although he missed his twin, it was nice to have professors not expect anything from him. In high school, teachers always assumed one of two things about him. Some of them assumed that he was going to be super-smart because they knew Cody was. Others, however, had heard about the 'lazier' twin in advance, and were wary of him before he even stepped into their classrooms. At Boston College, no one was expecting anything of him, because they didn't know who he was, or who Cody was. Zack could be himself, without Cody, which was an altogether new experience for him. Things had been going great, umtil jealousy had reared its ugly head and wrecked it all.

Zack was drawn out of his thoughts when he realized that he was back at his apartment, thankfully. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He didn't want to recall the fight, think about the terrible things he and his brother had said to each other.

Zack wasn't mad at Cody, not anymore. He'd been very angry for a long time, but that anger had long faded to a resigned sort of acceptance. Cody had been right about him. He wouldn't ever do anything with his life. He would forever be a bum living in a shitty little apartment, working at McDonald's for the rest of his life, drinking away his sorrows everytime he got the opportunity. This was his life; he'd come to accept it as such.

He didn't want his mother to see him this way, didn't want Cody to look down on him with the knowledge that he'd been right about Zack, all along. He didn't want his shame thrust upon them.

Zack mixed himself a drink, noting as he did so how his hands were shaking. He settled himself in front of the TV, flicking it on and and mindlessly channel-surfing, waiting for the calming release of his drink. It was going to be another lonely night.


	4. Triumphant

**A/N: Update, yay! I have been working on this for the last little while, and I FINALLY got it done! Also, sorry if anyone gets a bunch of emails saying that I updated this ... the line breaks wouldn't work for some reason, so I had to replace them with the oOoOoOoOo thing...**

Cody stared down in horror, backing away instinctively from the stone, as if to escape its terrible message. "Oh no," he whispered, his hand drifting upwards to cover his mouth. He sank to his knees on the ground. His lungs felt as though they were being cruelly gripped in a vice, cutting off his air supply. The world spun around him.

He stared at the grave as tears flooded his vision. _Zachary Martin. 1990-2013. Beloved son, grandson, and friend._

Oddly enough, the next thought which ran through Cody's head was _why doesn't it say twin? It __**should.**_ "He was my _brother_!" Cody cried aloud furiously. "My _twin_. He was more than just a son, a friend. He was my _twin brother_!" Cody lowered his head to the ground, sobbing. This gravestone was saying that Cody hadn't mattered, that he had never been connected to Zack at all.

Cody felt someone tugging at his shoulder, and he pulled away. A girl's voice. "Cody." Gentle at first, then becoming more insistent. "Cody. Cody, wake up! You're having a nightmare."

Bailey exhaled a sigh of relief when her fiancee's eyes flicked open, although they looked wild and crazy and ... not normal, Bailey concluded. He looked like a trapped animal. He had been squirming in his sleep, and Bailey had been debating whether she should wake him or not until he had begun to cry heaving sobs. It was then that she knew she'd have to interfere; he'd sounded too anguished to leave alone.

"You're okay," Bailey soothed, lightly touching his shoulder again. "It was just a bad dream. Everything's okay."

"I want my _brother_," Cody whimpered, sounding all the world, Bailey thought, like a scared five-year old boy. He drew away from Bailey and turned his back on her, hugging the pillow to his chest. His sobs were quieting already, and his breathing was becoming more regular. He had already gone back to sleep, and Bailey thought it unlikely that he would remember anything in the morning.

Bailey knew that she wouldn't be able to forget it quite as easily.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Ever since Cody had told Bailey about his twin, he hadn't been the same. It was as though there was an undercurrent of sadness in everything he did, no matter how hard she tried to cheer him up. Bailey was trying to be understanding, she really was. God forbid, if anything similar had to ever happen to one of her sisters, Bailey knew that she would be out of her mind with worry, and so she couldn't imagine what Cody was going through.

Bailey couldn't help but feel exhausted, though. She had been so busy exerting her energy to help calm Cody that she was feeling ragged and frazzled.

This was why, during breakfast the next day, Bailey proposed that they go on a vacation somewhere.

"Why don't we buy a mansion to live in, while we're at it," Cody retorted with a smile. "Since we apparently have all this money to spend." He swallowed a mouthful of cereal. He had been feeling melancholy all morning. He knew that he'd had a bad dream the night before, but the details were scattered, and Cody couldn't quite grasp ahold of them. Something about Zack...Cody knew that much.

"I didn't mean some...extravagant vacation," Bailey protested. Secretly, Bailey wanted to go on a trip to some exotic place with Cody, but she knew it wasn't feasible just yet. Still, Bailey could almost picture them on a cruise ship, wind blowing their hair back, as they stood on the bow of the ship...almost like Rose and Jack, Bailey thought dreamily, although hopefully without the crashing and dying thing.

"Where, then?" Cody asked, taking a sip of coffee.

"Well, I was thinking that we could stay at a hotel somewhere and just sightsee and relax for a week," she suggested. "_Not _the Tipton," Bailey added hastily, before Cody could suggest it. "I mean somewhere that we've never stayed before. I guess I kind of exaggerated when I said 'vacation'."

Cody pursed his lips, thinking, and Bailey steeled herself for whatever well-intentioned, reasonable excuse he would surely throw her way. It wasn't that Cody was difficult to get along with, but he was much more grounded in reality than she was. She was surprised when he shrugged and said, "Actually, that sounds like a great idea!"

"Awesome!" she exclaimed, beaming at him. "I just think it'd be a good idea to get away from everything," she said, gesturing to the air around her. "A little relaxation will be good for both of us, and we're off work, so..." Cody and Bailey both had jobs on campus; Bailey worked in the library, while Cody worked in one of the medical labs. They were on midterm break at the moment, however, and so were not needed at work.

"I know things have been a little...stressful around here lately. With school," Bailey added lamely after a slight pause. She didn't really mean school, but she hoped that Cody wouldn't question her.

He knew the difference, but he didn't contest her explanation. "Yeah, it has..." he admitted. "I think it will be good, too. We can spend some time doing some nerdy tourist things!"

Bailey grinned at him, glad to see him looking so animated and excited for the first time in what seemed like forever. "Yes! I'm so glad that you're just as much a dork as I am," she said with a chuckle.

"It's why we get along so well," Cody noted, leaning in to give her a sweet kiss.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Wasn't this the best idea I've ever had?" Bailey asked with a grin, tipping her face to the sun. It was a chilly day, but the sun had decided to shine its brilliance for the time being, and she wasn't intending on missing out.

"It was a good one," Cody agreed, wrapping his hands around his latte. They were sitting on the patio of a café in New York City, watching as the world sped by them. It was the second day of their mini-vacation, and Cody's problems all seemed miles away. Right now there wasn't anything that could bother him.

Bailey smiled at her husband-to-be. He looked much more relaxed now that they'd left their little apartment in Connecticut. "It _almost _rivals my decision to talk to you after class that day," she teased, referencing the first time that she'd ever spoken to Cody.

"I can't believe you only wanted my notes," Cody pouted.

"Well, I'd missed class the day before!" Bailey reminded him. "I was so lost the next day because we were learning all kinds of new stuff. I needed to get the notes off someone, and I didn't know anyone."

"Well, you ended up with my number, too," Cody said with a grin. "I was totally trying to figure out a way to talk to you for, like, months before that."

It had been in their third year at Yale. Cody had noticed the pretty brunette from the moment he'd stepped into that Physics class, and had been trying to figure out what excuse he could come up with to talk to her. Luckily for Cody she had approached him, wanting notes on the class that she had missed. Cody, not wanting to let the opportunity go, asked her if she would like to trade numbers, under the guise that they could study together. Studying quickly turned into hanging out, and then hanging out into dating. The rest, as they say, was history.

"Well, I'm glad you gave me your number," Bailey said, drawing him in and kissing him.

"Me too," Cody said breathlessly, as they pulled away.

From out of nowhere, a familiar face caught Cody's attention, and that's when he saw who it was. A scruffy-looking figure, thinner than he was when Cody had last seen him. Cody had only caught a glimpse of his face, but he knew instinctively who it was, with as much certainty as he knew his own name.

"Zack!" Cody screamed, hastily putting down his latte and jumping to his feet. "Zack!"

Zack whipped around, and when his eyes met Cody's, he looked visibly startled, like the proverbial deer caught in headlights. He hesitated, and then turned away with an expression akin to remorse on his face. He began to jog off, farther away from Cody, and disappeared into a crowd of people.

"Zack!" Cody screamed again, as though he was a parrot, reduced to saying this one word. He barrelled down the steps of the café and pushed his way through the throng of people, mindless of who he was bumping into along the way. _I have to find Zack. _The words were chanting through his head like a mantra.

He stumbled out of the crowd and found himself in an area where there was more room to walk, although there were still plenty of people milling about.

"Zack," he yelled again, not wanting to believe that his brother had really deserted him, once again.

Cody had dreamt of this moment for years, the moment of being face to face with his brother again. He thought they might hug, or perhaps even exchange harsh words about that stupid fight they'd had years ago. Maybe they'd even end up in a fistfight. But never, ever, _ever_, had Cody entertained the notion of his brother simply not acknowledging that he'd seen him, and discarding him as though they'd never been anything besides mere acquaintances.

Cody spun in a circle, trying to figure out which way his brother had gone, but it was impossible. There was no sight of him; he had vanished as quickly as he had appeared.

"Dammit, Zack," Cody cursed, making his way to a bench on the sidewalk and plopping dejectedly onto it. "Why the hell would you do that?"

He continued scanning the sidewalks, staring at anyone who looked remotely like his brother. He wasn't sure how long he was sitting there before he saw Bailey making her way towards him.

"Cody, what's going on?" she demanded, sitting next to him. Her eyes were wide and worried. "I didn't know where you went!"

"I'm sorry, I just...I saw my brother," he said tiredly, gripping her hand when she extended it to him.

"Are you sure it was him?" Bailey asked. "I mean, I know you guys are twins so maybe that's a stupid question, but I know you've been looking for him, babe, and you're so stressed..."

"It was him," Cody said vehemently, nodding his head. "He turned around when I screamed his name at him. He saw me, and then he...he...turned the other way," he said miserably, swallowing. "I can't believe he turned away."

"Are you sure he saw you?" Bailey asked, hoping to make him feel better. "Maybe he didn't know where the voice was coming from."

Cody shook his head. "No, he saw me. He definitely saw me. He looked right at me, Bailey. Why would he do that? I can't believe he would do that. I mean, I know we had a fight, but that was forever ago. Why wouldn't he talk to me?"

Bailey shook her head, unable to give him any answers. They sat there in silence for a long while, Cody still staring at everyone who walked along.

After an hour, the sun had disappeared behind the clouds for good, and Bailey and Cody were shivering on the park bench from lack of movement.

"Come on, babe," Bailey said soothingly, standing up and extending her hand to Cody. "We should go back to the hotel," she added.

"What if he comes back?" Cody demanded, not taking her hand. He stared straight ahead. The people were all beginning to morph into one, their only distinguishing factor being who they _weren't_ – Zack. "You know, this is typical Zack. He _knows _how much I worry about everything. He must know how much I've missed him. I can't believe he wouldn't talk to me."

Inwardly, Bailey sighed. She didn't know Cody's brother, but she already wasn't his biggest fan. Cody had just been starting to cheer up again, when he'd had to come along and depress him further.

"Honey, we've been sitting here for an hour," Bailey said firmly. "We need to go back to the hotel now, alright? Hey, at least you know he's okay," she added in a softer voice.

"Yeah, I guess," Cody muttered, although Zack hadn't looked right to him from the glance he'd gotten. He looked haggard, and run down, and so unlike the cheerful, pesky brother he knew. It worried him.

Begrudgingly, Cody began following Bailey. "Hey, why don't we stop in McDonald's and get some coffee?" she suggested, wrapping her arm around him. "Warm us up. The café closed a while ago."

Cody nodded woodenly as they stepped into the fast food restaurant. The heat emanating from the building was, at least, a physical comfort, even if mentally Cody felt raw. They stepped up to the counter.

"Oh, hey Zack, back again?" the guy from behind the counter asked, before doing a double-take. "Oh, sorry sir," he stuttered, looking embarrassed. "You look _just_ like a guy who works here."

Cody gripped the counter and stared at the guy, who was looking less embarrassed and more creeped out. "Did you say 'Zack'?" he demanded. "You said he works here?"

"Uh, yeah," the guy said, shooting him a weird look.

"Can you tell me when he's working next?" Cody questioned.

"I'm sorry, I really can't –" the guy protested. Cody quickly shoved a ten dollar bill onto the counter, in addition to the change he'd had ready to pay for the coffees.

"Are you sure?" Cody hadn't ever blatantly bribed anyone before in his life, but it seemed to do the trick.

The guy hesitated, then snatched the money and shoved it into his pocket. "Just let me check the schedule," he said smoothly, retreating to the back. Cody shot Bailey an excited look.

The McDonald's employee reemerged from the back in a minute, and told Cody that Zack was working the next day from nine to four.

"Thank you so much," Cody said, grabbing his coffee and exiting the McDonald's, feeling triumphant. He was a man on a mission, and he couldn't wait until the next day, and whatever it would bring.


	5. Promises

**A/N:** **I wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed, followed, or favourited this story! I really appreciate every one. Thank you so much. I like to reply to my reviewers personally, but I couldn't reply to you, Layla, so I will here - thank you so much for reviewing my story so many times. I'm so glad that you like it, and I love getting reviews from you!**

**Finally, the long-awaited chapter! This is the scene that I have been imagining writing since I first began this story! Well, this chapter and the next... hope you enjoy! Reviews are love, so if you could drop me one it would be greatly appreciated!**

When Zack saw Cody, his first instinct was to run. He just couldn't see his brother right now. He had been working all day, and was desperate to get home and have a drink. He was just not in a good place, and so he'd done the only thing he thought he could – he'd fled the scene, and all the emotions that went with it.

Zack had carefully evaded Cody, ducking into an alleyway where his brother could not see him. Zack heard Cody call out his name, but he'd dodged stubbornly on, refusing to give into the nagging part of his brain that told him he should go back and talk to his brother. This part of his brain was obviously working in tandem with the portion of his heart that ached with missing Cody.

Zack had been home for approximately an hour and a half when the guilt became too much, and he decided to return to the café where he'd last seen Cody, in the off chance that his brother was still there. The café was closed and desolate looking; the red-and-white patterned chairs that had been strewn along the patio were pulled inside the building, and the curtains adorned with the same patterns had been closed. The door was firmly locked. Zack was torn between feeling sad and relieved. He knew that when he did speak to his brother again, there would be some hard questions to answer, and Zack wasn't sure if it was in him to tell Cody what he wanted or needed to hear, as much as Cody deserved to know the truth.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Work the next day was rough. Zack would be willing to place a bet that every single customer he served that day had something against him, because if he had a dollar for every snide remark or look he received, he would be a rich man. Then again, Zack knew that he wasn't exactly being a top-notch server either; at the best of times, Zack had low tolerance for dumb, asshole customers, but today he could feel his blood pressure rising for every silly thing.

Finally, the blessed hour of four o'clock came, and Zack left right after ringing in a particularly snide woman. He took off his stupid hat and work shirt and came out from the back of the counter, crossing to the front door. He was about to exit when he spied a familiar blond head in the booth next to the door.

Well, would you look at that. Cody. Zack slowed down and hesitated; should he run away again? _No, _Zack told himself firmly. _Be a man and face him. You can't do that to him again._

In an uncharacteristically timid way, Zack stepped forward until he was next to the booth Cody was in and cleared his throat. His brother was reading something on his cell phone, focusing intently on the task at hand. The expression on his face was so...Cody, that Zack would have laughed if it wasn't so awkward. Zack had seen that exact expression on Cody's face more times than he could count; whenever his twin read something he found particularly interesting, his face would bloom into a look of complete rapture, as though he'd just discovered the most amazing piece of information.

Cody looked up, startled, and then glanced at the time. "Oh, it's four already?" he muttered, as if to himself. Then, "So, you're actually going to talk to me today, are you?" Well, that much was obviously directed at him.

"Yes," Zack said with a nod, not sure what else to say. "Do you want to...go somewhere else?"

Cody nodded and stood. "Yeah. Let's step outside." They walked together to the door and outside, finally settling on a bench a few feet away from the McDonald's.

"Zack..." Cody said, seeming to have difficulty getting the word out. "I...I just have one question. I mean...why? That's all I want to know."

"Why what?" Zack asked. He wasn't trying to be stupid, but he really didn't know what Cody was asking. There were a billion questions that Cody could be asking him about the past few years.

"Why did you run away, Zack?" Cody asked hotly, clenching his fists. "Yesterday...four years ago...do you have _any idea _what I've been going through for the past four years?"

Zack paused, trying to think of what he could say. The answers to those questions were different. He'd ran away four years ago because he was a stupid, hotheaded teenager who was too proud to return home with his tail between his legs when his anger had died down. He'd ran away yesterday because he was a broken man who was terrified to let his twin brother, the one person who understood and knew him best in the world, see what he'd become.

"Cody, I know you've – " Zack began.

"No, you _don't_ know," Cody interrupted with venom. "You don't know _anything, _even if you think you do. You don't know how...how freaking _petrified _I've been for these past four years. Zack, I thought you'd _died,_" Cody stated, emphasizing the last word with a trembling voice. "And you don't know how scared I was that that was the case. You can't even _imagine _you know what I've been through because of you."

Cody fiddled with his shaking hands. He stared straight ahead, apparently unable to look his brother in the eye. He swallowed hard, sniffling to keep his tears at bay. "It was just...like, okay, for the first few days, we weren't too scared. We thought you would come back. But then it was weeks, and then months, and then suddenly it was a _year _since I'd seen you. And then two years. And three years. And four..." Cody trailed off, swiping angrily at a tear which had escaped. "And everyday I waited... Mom's been just as worried as I have. You know her. And you know me. You know what we're like, that we've been through hell for the past four years, and you still didn't come back, Zack."

Zack bit his lip and looked at his brother, feeling guilt course through his body like the blood in his veins. Zack had never been as eloquent or as willing to speak about his feelings as his brother, and so he didn't know what to say to this outburst of Cody's.

"I'm sorry," Zack offered, though it was a paltry word with respect to all the feelings that Cody had poured out into the open. "Codes, I'm...I'm so sorry."

"Don't _Codes _me!" Cody cried, as hearing his old nickname seemed to have done the job on his emotions. "Oh God, Zack, I've just...I've missed you so much." With this, he leaned over and grabbed his brother, hugging him tightly.

Zack stiffened, but then allowed himself to be hugged, squeezing his brother back. When was the last time someone had hugged him? It'd been a very long time. "I'm sorry," he repeated dumbly.

"I've never simultaneously wanted to hug and slap someone so much before," Cody confessed, clapping his brother once more on the back and reluctantly releasing him.

"I'm...uh, really glad that you went with the hugging option, in that case," Zack said lightly, chuckling a little.

Cody cracked a smile. "I should have slapped you. You deserve it."

_Ain't that the truth. _"Yeah, you're right. I probably do."

The brothers sat in silence for a moment, each obviously lost in their own thoughts. Zack wondered what else his brother would ask him. There was only so much he could admit.

Cody was the one to break the silence. "Mom's missed you. She's going to be really excited to see you."

A bubble of panic rose in Zack's stomach. He could not face his mother. No way, no how. No matter how much he'd missed her – how much he'd missed them _both_ – Zack wasn't prepared for them to enter his life again. As lonely and pathetic an existence it was, it was his, and he couldn't dare let them see him like that. He'd stupidly assumed that now that he'd seen Cody, his brother would be fine with letting him go again. He couldn't return to their old way of life. They would never understand.

"I don't know if I can see Mom," Zack said truthfully.

Cody stared at him as though he'd just stated that he had five heads. "What do you mean? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Zack winced. Cody really wasn't holding anything back. "I just mean...I'm, I'm not sure that she'll want to see me, Cody..." he said lamely. That was the world's most pathetic excuse, and Cody would surely see right through it.

"Oh, come on," Cody scoffed. "You don't mean that. You know as well as I do that Mom's been out of her mind with worry. And if you think for one second that I'm going to keep the fact that I've been talking to you away from her, you're out of your mind."

"I just...I can't, Cody!" Zack cried, jumping to his feet. This talking, this bringing up painful emotions, was making Zack crave a drink again. He needed it, desperately, the same way that a drowning man needs air. He wasn't sure what had made him stop and talk to Cody, but now he needed to get away.

Cody jumped up, too, and grabbed him by the arm. "Whoa, Zack, okay. Calm down," he said carefully, obviously concerned about making him run off again. "Sit back down, please?" he asked cautiously. "I have to tell Mom that I saw you because she's convinced that you're dead, and I can't let her think that any longer than she has to. But I'll tell her that I don't know where you went if you want, okay? Just don't take off again," he pleaded. "Please don't do that to me again."

Zack knew that if he was an expert at _anything _in this world, it was understanding Cody. Zack could read his brother's emotions and feelings like a book; they were written all over his face. He knew his brother just as well as he knew himself – probably better than he knew himself – and so he understood that Cody was terrified at the thought of him leaving again. And Zack felt torn. Cody was his 'little' brother, after all, and it wasn't exactly on Zack's agenda to hurt Cody. It wasn't something that he'd ever wanted or intended to do. But he felt scared, too – for a completely different reason.

Zack knew that although he'd never been as academically inclined as his brother, both Cody and his mother had always believed in him. They thought that they he could make something of himself, even as Zack laughed, pranked, and slacked his way through high school. They'd obviously been wrong. If they knew what he was doing now...they wouldn't be proud of him at all. They'd be disgusted. That was why Zack was okay with meeting Cody here outside McDonald's, but he could never, _ever, _let him or his mother back into his life as much as they had once been. They didn't need to know what his life had become. Let them go on remembering him as he'd been the last time they saw him. Somehow, he didn't think that their memories of eighteen-year-old Zack would mesh well with the reality of twenty-three-year-old, deadbeat Zack.

His desire to have a drink was reaching near panic levels now, and Zack's hands were shaking. Too much thinking, too many emotions – it was what had led to him having a drink every weekend, which had turned into every other night, and had gradually manifested itself into something that was as intrinsically a part of Zack as his lungs, his bones, his brain.

"Cody, I _really _have to go," Zack said, gripping his hands together. _Keep it cool. Stay calm. _"I'm sorry, buddy, but I...I have to – "

Cody grabbed him by the arm again, locking him in place. Zack could tell that Cody was worried by the way his eyes were narrowed, and the frown that had stitched itself onto his face. Zack also knew that Cody knew _him_, and was doing his best to not push him too hard, for fear that he would completely drive him away. "Will you meet me again?"

Zack hesitated, and then nodded. "I will, Cody, I promise, I just...have something that I have to do right now," he said, feeling like the worst person in the world. What could possibly be more important than talking to his estranged twin?

Cody's face fell even further, but Zack noticed that he was strategically trying to appear as if it didn't affect him as much as it did. "Okay. Can we meet again tomorrow? Are you working?"

Zack nodded. "Same time, same place. Is that okay with you?"

Cody nodded, too. "That's fine. Um, so I'll see you later then."

"See you later," Zack repeated, already walking away from him. "I promise."

Zack Martin had a habit of breaking his promises.


End file.
